Some showgirls don’t plan on staying in Vegas forever. After being in too many Vegas shows to count, Sarah Jessica Rhodes (whom we call SJ) felt it was time for her next adventure. She wanted to try her hand at acting in the City of Angels.
Now, may I remind you that I’m from LA, so I know how this goes.
She answered a casting notice to be an actress in a leading role in a feature film. The production team got right back to her. They said they loved her pictures. She was exactly what they were looking for. SJ couldn’t have been more excited. This was her lucky break. She only started pursuing acting in LA about an hour before the submission so it was even luckier that she didn’t have to wait too long.
She was going to drive straight down to LA, blow them away with her good looks and acting chops, then start her new life as a movie star!
On her way to LA, she went over her best Shakespeare monologue, followed by her best Mean Girls scene. Before she knew it, four hours flew by. It was time to put on her lipstick and go Hollywood. She was welcomed with open arms by the warm congestion of LA traffic. In perfect time, the production assistant called regarding the details of the audition.
SJ was to meet the producer of this next blockbuster movie at IHOP at 9 a.m. Now, I know what you’re thinking: Who in the world is up at 9 a.m., right?
They also instructed her to wear something revealing that shows off her body. She was to look out for this producer by his car. He would either be driving his Bentley, Lamborghini or ‘86 Chevy pickup. (I guess he had a thing for the classics.) She hoped he would be in his Bentley but unfortunately he drove his Chevy. He said the other two were in the shop. What are the chances?
He was very nice, which gave her confidence that she would snag the role. He complimented her on her beautiful eyes. She couldn’t believe what great eyesight he had, considering he was wearing sunglasses inside the restaurant the whole time.
He discussed the movie briefly. She was surprised to find how talented he was. Not only was he the producer of the film, he was the star as well. The opening scene was going to be a montage of several naked women. This is where her role would come in. He decided right then and there, without even running the lines, that SJ was perfect for it! Some girls just have it so easy.
He told her they should get started rehearsing right away. He asked if her apartment was available, as they were looking for a “more natural setting to go over the scenes.” SJ felt bad because she didn’t live in LA, so they had no place to rehearse. He told her they would delay production a couple weeks until she could find an apartment. She was thrilled! She had heard so many horror stories about Hollywood, and yet she had found such an accommodating producer.
A couple weeks later, she called to ask about the schedule. They told her that they cast someone else. She was pretty disappointed. This was going to catapult her to stardom. She was going to see her face on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I didn’t have the heart to tell her you can’t have your face on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. It’s just your name on a star.
Anyway, after the highs and lows of her Hollywood experience, SJ realized there’s no place like home—Vegas, I mean. As fate would have it, a few weeks later she got cast in Raiding the Rock Vault where she currently performs at the Tropicana. There’s nothing like partying with a bunch of rock stars to make you feel whole again.
Meanwhile, I called the LA producer for a comment and we had a no-holds-barred conversation. You wouldn’t believe it. He offered me a job! I said to him, “You must think I was born yesterday.” He said, “Judging from your picture, you look about 18.”
Long story short, I’m going apartment hunting.
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