Snow White and the 7 Gigolos

23Feb
Maren Wade's Confessions of a Showgirl: Snow White and the 7 Gigolos

Maren Wade’s Confessions of a Showgirl: Snow White and the 7 Gigolos

Every young girl hears the tale of Snow White. She dreams that one day she’ll meet her Prince Charming. He’ll wake her from a long, restful sleep and they’ll live happily ever after!

But then you grow up and realize that life isn’t a fairytale, especially in Vegas. Or is it? Meet the beautiful and sassy comedian Shayma Tash, the closest thing to Snow White I’ve ever known. I’ll admit I’m a little jaded when it comes to fairytales—and her tale seems almost too good to be true. I got the exclusive one-on-one interview with the princess to decide for myself.

Shayma began: “Fast asleep after a long Vegas night, I awoke to my Prince Charming!” Actually, it was a phone call from her agent with a once-in-a-lifetime job offer. (For a showgirl, a call from an agent with a job offer is a thousand times better than a kiss from a prince.) Anyway, she was asked to roast the cast of the Showtime series Gigolos, and that’s where she met the Seven Gigolos. She nicknamed them: Sleepy, Dopey, Happy, Bashful, Genie and Cock—I mean Doc. Okay, I have a confession to make. There were actually only six gigolos, but one did double duty.

After Shayma successfully insulted each one at the roast, they all became fast friends! She befriended Sleepy first. In fact, she dated him. I asked where he got his nickname, and she mentioned something about him sleeping around a lot. Apparently, he’s the promiscuous one. She said, “I’ve never dated a gigolo, but what girl can turn down a 100-percent discount?”

So true! I love discounts!

On their first date, she said, “He paid for my admission to a club, bought me drinks, put money down for me to gamble and I won! I wondered if taking money from a gigolo made me a pimp.” Then she went back to his place. The windows were blacked out. There was animal fur everywhere. There were apparatuses she had never seen before! It was like 50 Shades of … Gigolo.

As the weeks of dating went on, she started to really fall for him, which made her nervous. I totally understand how she felt! It’s such a scary feeling when you fall for a guy and feel so powerless. She looked at me quizzically and said, “No, I was scared I was gonna get a bill!”

Oh! I hate bills!

Their romance fizzled out, but they’re still great friends. “Oddly enough, he’s a neighbor and he’s really good at fixing things around the house. So now I have a handyman nearby in case of emergency.”

I envy her. I wish I had someone available at all hours. You never know when you’re gonna need your plumbing fixed.

Despite their current friendship, the breakup with Sleepy was difficult. Lucky for Shayma, she had Doc there to offer great girlfriend advice. They would go out to coffee and talk relationships. It’s so important to have good girlfriends. Doc also doubles as her personal trainer. I noticed she’s been in amazing shape these days. I’ll have to get his number.

She continued to tell me about the other gigolos. “Dopey is like a Ken Doll if he was left unattended in a tanning booth the duration of Snow White’s sleep. He’s also very supportive. He comes to all my shows and he’s a really generous person.” I asked why she calls him Dopey. I cut her off before she was finished. “He’s a really generous person, especially with his pot. When I’m down, he always has words of encouragement to offer, but when all else fails, he always has something to take the edge off.”

I asked what Happy was like. “You know, I don’t know him that well. He just went through a breakup. He’s not in a good place right now.” Maybe Happy should visit Dopey.

“And then there’s Genie!” Shayma exclaimed. (Genie? I think one of those is not like the others.) “Well, he makes my wishes come true, and he’s the only one who doesn’t ask me to rub his lamp. He came to my stand-up comedy show. He loved my act so much that he produced my one-hour stand-up special.” Just to clarify for any potential suitors out there who might think diamonds are the way to a girl’s heart, the sure way to a showgirl’s heart is: Produce her show. Shayma says she’s even thinking of creating a show around him, I Dream of Gigolo.

“Oh, and Bashful! He’s so cute! Every time I see him, he’s blushing. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I think it’s a special skill to make a gigolo blush.” She’s so talented! She was making me blush, too!

I mean, who needs Prince Charming when you can have the support of so many gigolos? I think it’s now safe to say fairytales do happen! Thank you, Shayma, for sharing your inspiring story and for restoring my faith in “happily ever after!”

You can catch Shayma Tash performing regularly at Las Vegas Laugh Factory and Brad Garrett’s Comedy Club. For tickets and upcoming show dates, visit shaymatash.com.